As the saying goes, “married as husband and wife, conjugal love is not suspected.”There are a lot of husband and wife all their lives are spent in the quarrel, some husband and wife have been respectful as guests, love as before, became the envy of others, to know that a good marriage needs both sides to jointly manage, in order to create a happy family life.Some people say: husband and wife, trust;Domestic chores. Agree to disagree.Say so, but really do it is very difficult, there are a lot of couples are noisy to break up, is due to personality, if one party is not good at controlling their emotions will make marriage life full of crisis.01 Married 30 years, husband and wife for uncle’s cold war why?Mr. Ding from Xingyang is a warm-hearted man. His wife Xiping went to their son xingyang’s house after his neighbor jian and his wife got angry. Both of them were stubborn.Because Mr. Ding and Jian are good friends, he wants to persuade them to make up.This is true of the saying: “a good neighbor is better than a treasure.” Having a good neighbor is more difficult than family.But when the mediators saw Jian jian, he said angrily, “They all asked me to call her, BUT I won’t call her, and I won’t call her if I don’t see her all my life.”He said Xi Ping’s body is not so good, when he was young to bully him, now he has a wheelchair, but also bullied him, he was too angry with her.Originally, two years ago the establishment of his wife Xi Ping suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, after the outbreak of xi Ping can only be sick in bed, or sitting in a wheelchair, so the neighbors hope to establish in xi Ping needs people to take care of the share of children, more tolerant wife.”She was wrong and asked me to call her. I want to go. I want to tear down my house.”There is no overnight feud between husband and wife, let alone his wife who has been married for 30 years.The neighbor who established saw this scene also advised, we are all your good friends, if it were not for who also don’t take care of your business.Persuaded by friends and mediators, Jianli reluctantly agreed to see his wife.See Xi ping, neighbor Mr. Ding explained the purpose, Xi Ping said angrily, I will not go back, I live here can be comfortable, I am happy day by day, a couple of decades into this way, I have no what to say, I have thought, who come I do not go back.With these words, she wheeled her wheelchair to the bed and lay down on it under the covers.Under the constant persuasion of the public, the couple finally sat together.The establishment says he is taken care of to grow up by uncle as a child, he has very deep affection to uncle, uncle age is big now, have no children again, so he wants to take care of uncle, did not think of the wife to stop him however, for this he and wife produced intense quarrel.02 uncle died, her husband heart knot is the root of the conflict between husband and wife Xi Ping said, she did not agree to set up to take care of uncle, is a daughter and establish communication, as for why he moved out of the home, xi Ping but let set up their own said.Establishment heard this, excitedly said that his wife is unreasonable.And then he lost his temper and smashed the glass in the cabinet door.Neighbors hurried to dissuade, Xi Ping sat in a wheelchair sad cry, the scene was chaotic.No wonder they both have a bad life. From the out-of-control emotions established, we can see that he speaks simply and rudely, does not talk about ways and means, is easy to get excited when things happen, and does not show any emotion when talking to his wife. He is a man who loves to get to the end of his rope.After the establishment calmed down a little, he said the question in his heart, his wife said she did not drive uncle, why the daughter had to drive uncle away, and uncle walked away from his home died, let the establishment of the heart is very uncomfortable.Xi Ping said that she had never taught her children not to let uncle come, nor did she teach the children to kick uncle away.It can be seen that family conflicts often lie in the lack of communication between the two sides. Both of them pass the word through a third party, namely their daughter, which causes his suspicion and distrust of his wife. Uncle is very sad to be worldly, but he should not pass the buck to his wife.Besides, their sons and daughters are all in their 20s and 30s, so they can’t have any ideas. Xi Ping can’t stand up because of her health.All the housework is built on the job, and because there is a 90-year-old mother to take care of their family, if the uncle, the children are worried about his health, afraid that he is too hard, too tired, so they put forward not to let the uncle live in their own home.Unexpectedly, my uncle died soon after he left their home.This became a knot in the heart that could not be waved away.Establishing also realized that he had misunderstood his wife about this matter, and the mediator suggested that Establishing go upstairs again to discuss the matter with his wife in person.Upstairs, However, Xi Ping immediately rejected the mediator’s idea.Xi Ping said, build temper is not good, usually have what matter, only let oneself say, not allow others to distinguish.But he’s good at taking care of himself. He’s down-to-earth, but tough.Recalling the past 30 years, Xi Ping choked up again.She said she had endured 30 years of living with her husband and now that she was finally free of the family home, she did not want to go back.03 husband grumpy, extreme behavior let his wife escape in the downstairs of the establishment, that his wife’s accusations and complaints, his mood again excited up.Jian said angrily, “If she apologizes to me again, I won’t let her go back. She can go back if she dies.”Hearing this, his neighbors criticized him.But Jian went to the extreme and said, “You have to say, I will go back and drive the car into the river and die.”The more He talked, the more he got excited and blamed his wife for his bad marriage and his bad temper, believing there was nothing wrong with him.The neighbors were frustrated by the couple’s temper.What makes everyone puzzled is that Xi Ping and the establishment of a common life of more than 30 years, why the relationship will deteriorate to such a point, and even both sides of the temper more and more irritable?If you watch carefully you will find, the establishment of said every word the wife reveal a kind of hatred, and a lose-lose posture, in psychology, is a kind of abnormal psychology, it because of the extreme work of the people, the character trueer, paranoid love is from the abnormal psychology, lack of love can lead to deformity and abnormal in various aspects.Because the lack of love is often associated with the environment, we know that there is a relationship between the mind and the brain.In the living environment, if always encounter indifference, frustration, violence, cold violence, beating, abuse and other malignant circumstances, reflected to the brain, the brain will issue a series of physical instructions in order to avoid harm.Xi Ping said her husband’s heart is good, his craft is good, and he will make money. He is also good with others, but his home is not well managed.In the home male chauvinism is particularly serious, he says what is what, not allow others to talk, otherwise open mouth scold lift hand dozen.Xi Ping said the old man alive to her mother-in-law is like this, the mother-in-law is more than 80, the father-in-law also beat her mother-in-law.She didn’t want to end up like her mother-in-law.So last year, she didn’t want to take it anymore.So, in the family relationship, parental relationship directly affects the physical and mental health and growth of children, no wonder establishment will have such extreme behavior.His father’s attitude towards his mother became a thorn deeply branded in his heart, in such a family environment for a long time, he will be seriously hurt emotionally, emotionally, physically and psychologically.People with mental problems don’t always act like they’re out of control, but they’re not really calm either.It is easy for them to reveal their true selves in adverse or unfavourable circumstances.This reaction is related to the environment in which he grew up. Maybe he felt that his parents had lived like this for a lifetime, and his mother did not resist too much when his father beat her.However, in this era of equality between men and women, no matter from the legal level or the level of life, any woman who becomes a wife of a man is expected to be beaten, scolded and humiliated by such humiliation. Therefore, he thinks it is normal that the problems between them cannot be recognized.But for the wife, it was the last straw and there was no way to go on.Build also realized that he did have a bad temper.Under the persuasion of the public, the establishment finally put down the attitude, willing to change their own shortcomings in the future life.Xi ping also hope someone can change, but she said her son’s house have central heating, she has lived here habits, so she want to live for a period of time, then consider whether to go back, I heard that establish also willing to respect the idea of a wife, two people finally able to calmly accept each other, this is a step forward.04 emotion analysis: 1, polarized men have a sense of security?Polarization particularly evident on establishing, existence, his good, to friends, to his wife, family love, when he was angry, very anxious to destroy all the discontent to vent in the heart, so the man on the other hand, people love to hate should feel too strongly, if there is no strong tolerance,People can’t accept his personality.Said that he had love from his feelings towards my uncle can see out, let’s see a grateful man also has his emotional vulnerable, he wants to meet my uncle at home, do a filial piety, must be love won’t let his daughter, so these two kinds of love, different feelings between them can’t empathy, to establish misunderstanding booted out the uncle’s wife,The seeds of resentment were planted.As a husband, he loved his wife, so he took good care of Xi Ping after she fell ill. As for his uncle, he did not take into account his wife’s emotions and the care and love of his children, and blindly stood in his own position to consider the problem, so he imposed his uncle’s death on his wife.Therefore, love and be loved on him completely exposed, this kind of man if really fall in love with a person, will absolutely be single-minded to his wife, but the disadvantage is easy to impulsive, if not good at controlling their emotions, no matter how deep feelings will scare away the other side.So the security factor is not too high.2. When a strong woman meets an extreme husband, both sides should tolerate and understand each other that her husband’s personality is extreme and it is wrong to be rude.But Xi Ping also has her own problems. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango”.In their quarrel, we found that Xi Ping also had a strong personality. She fought against her husband many times. When her husband appeared, she pushed her wheelchair into the house and lay on the bed and ignored him.When it comes to her uncle, she does not communicate directly with her husband, but lets him talk himself, thus provoking the establishment to smash the glass.As we all know, firecrackers ring again also have to be lit by someone, and Xi Ping is the husband to establish the burner.Every word she uttered was the spark of her husband’s anger, and it was her unyielding personality that set him on fire step by step.So both of them should reflect on their own problems and make changes if they want to have a stable family and a happy marriage.When a couple gets old, they want to help each other and support each other.If so stubborn, angry, to children and younger generation is also a kind of torture, and even affect their future life and family happiness.Hope two people can calm thinking, rational treatment, marriage is not easy, and line and cherish!